Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
