I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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