i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
