I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
