remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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