no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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