A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
