I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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