If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
