dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
