They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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