shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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