Im at strip club and am horny
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
