oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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