OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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