she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
