i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
