he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
