it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
