When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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