Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
