I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
