i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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