considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she smelled like a LAN party
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
