I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
