allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
