I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
