I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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