ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
