there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
