Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
