The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
