I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
