meet me or not, i'm out of control
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
