i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
