You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
