So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
