There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
