She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
