i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
