your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
