if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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