How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
