If i come over, it means nothing
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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