is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
