do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
