I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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