Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
