and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
