Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
