Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
