The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
